Both times I was initially paralyzed to take action, equal parts horrified by the behavior, and believing that it was status quo. Both men considered themselves entitled to take something they had not been offered. The situations were vastly different and distressingly familiar. The man was elderly, 74 or so, also drinking (smelled like vodka). “I’ll never see you again, so enjoy life!” There was no tongue involved, but the advance was unwelcome just the same. When I turned to go, he grabbed me and kissed me on the mouth. I was walking up the stairs from the beach and struck up (what seemed like) an innocuous conversation with a stranger. I was at the beach chaperoning a high school marching band leadership retreat. The second time was just this last summer I was 43 (or almost 43?).
He had been drinking beer the smell was pungent and familiar. The offender was my uncle (in his late 20s at the time). I can’t be sure because it was a rough summer all around, but I was definitely a child, and I had definitely never had any tongue in my mouth, certainly not the tongue of an adult man. I have been kissed on the mouth twice by men who did not have my consent to do so.
